I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
did i walk over a car last night?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
