I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
