ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
