Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
