what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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