Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He felt like a one man threesome
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
