Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
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my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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