OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
