i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
NoShamevember. You game?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
