i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
