I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize