Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
