If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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