oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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