watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
