i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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