I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
