I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
