I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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