Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
