one two three fourrrrnication!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
