I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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