There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
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I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
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I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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