I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
