Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
