I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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