o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
