Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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