after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
