her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
