You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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