How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize