ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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