would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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