i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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