they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
