Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
