Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He? As in you personified your dick?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
