the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
