i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
