I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
