So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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