Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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