Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
