NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
