You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
