i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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