Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
