I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
