Need sex. Gaining weight.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
