Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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