Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
