I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
