11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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