she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
