Betty ford says i'm here all night
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
it's great music for shaving your balls
Hippo gnu deer
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
