made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
