What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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