so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
