Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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