I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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