I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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