I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
