stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
