Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
