left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
